i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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