I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
