Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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