And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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