Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Someone signed my nipple.
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