I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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