i would punch a child for taco bell
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
