i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
