You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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