Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
