It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
