Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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