my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
