It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
