I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
