i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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