i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
