What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
