It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i now understand why vodka
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
