"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
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Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
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this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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