I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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