Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
