I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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