I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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