he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
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WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He better not be in your backpack
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
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Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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