i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
