I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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