Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
another moral hangover. fuck.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
