Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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