doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dicks are not precious.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
