official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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