I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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