His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
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If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Vodka?
Forever.
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When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize