My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
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I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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