Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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