I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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