I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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