oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
