I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
