new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
