two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
