At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
