I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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