By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
