Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
