I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
