u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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