last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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