I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Drunk is a universal language darling
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