At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
