this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
do nipples grow back?
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