I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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