im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
