When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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