And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
