Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We need to get me chipped asap
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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