Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
