i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
