i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
well you can't waste a boner
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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