i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
