a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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