You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
