sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize