He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
