I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
