put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
