Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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