Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
