its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hippo gnu deer
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
