YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
