I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
